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Toyota Issues Recall for Carnivorous Floor Mats
 Toyota Motor Company announced a comprehensive recall today for more than 25 million vehicles that were unintentionally equipped with carnivorous floor mats.
The recall affects most Toyota models made from 2005 to 2007, including the Camry, Highlander, Prius, Sequoia, 4Runner, and Avalon; as well as the Lexus LS350 and LS400.
According to Toyota, the carnivorous floor mats may have been responsible for the consumption of several Toyota owners, but Toyota emphasized that the floor mats only tend to eat people when they get stepped on.
“Typically, the floor mats will leave the driver and passengers alone,” said Toyota spokesman Hikaro Hamaki, “However, if someone was to provoke them, by, say, stepping on them or dropping stuff on them, they might get aggressive enough to eat the occupants of the vehicle.”
Since only 25 million vehicles have the optional floor mats, Toyota recommends you check before bringing your vehicle in for the recall. Carnivorous floor mats are discernible thanks to sharp teeth, quiet growling, and their propensity to eat people who step on them. Other floor mats are mainly comprised of carpet and plastic.
The mats were made available as an option because of their distinctive ability to protect the floor of the vehicle.
“Since we started using carnivorous floor mats,” said Hamaki, “We have noticed zero defects in the floors of vehicles equipped with them over a five year period. We are sorry about the recall, but our vehicle floors are the cleanest in the industry. Stick that in your hookah and smoke it, Ford.”
Toyota dealers have been supplied with several fixes for the recall, including a large supply of beef jerky – which Toyota says will be effective in distracting the floor mats into eating that instead – and some clear tape.
Spokesmen for General Motors were quick to indicate that they would never consider using carnivorous beings as options in their vehicles.
“Sure, we might get recalled for explosive seat belts or the occasional electrical problem that leads to cattle mutations, but we don’t want our customers eaten by floor mats,” said GM spokesman Chris Bowden, “After all, they buy our hats.”
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