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FDA Approves Vaccine for R2D2 Virus

As the pandemic reaches national emergency status, the FDA has finally approved a vaccine for the R2D2 virus, the frightening flu strain that is threatening people around the world.

“It took a while to figure out how to make a vaccine,” said FDA spokesman Harold Leach, “But we have one now. Just one, at this point, but we’re pretty certain we can produce at least eight syringes-full by the end of the week.”

At the current rate of R2D2 antivirus production, the FDA expects that enough antivirus will be produced in exactly 79 years. The R2D2 virus is currently infecting roughly 20,000 people a day, and will most like have swept the entire world in five months.

“Yeah, we’re a little behind the eight-ball here,” said Leach, “But we really accomplished a lot when it comes to good intentions. Frankly, we actually aren’t even going to try to get this vaccine out. We’ve put all of our time and effort into prioritizing who should get it should we actually get enough out for them to take.”

President Obama declared a state of emergency over the R2D2 epidemic, citing its wide-reaching effects and deadly deadliness.

“The R2D2 virus is scary,” said Obama, “It makes you sneeze and cough, and I saw one guy, well, he kind of threw up. It made me want to throw up because it looked like he’d been eating cream corn. The important thing is not to panic. There’s a pandemic going on and we don’t have anywhere near enough antivirus, but don’t panic. You’re not going to die, well, at least Louie from CBS news here isn’t going to die. He already got it and got better. The rest of you, I don’t know.”

While the President seemed to indicate that the entire world may be on death’s doorstep, few people have actually died from the R2D2 virus.

“Few people have actually died from the R2D2 virus,” said Leach, “Actually, so far this year more people have died while shaking a malfunctioning vending machine, only to have it fall on them, than from R2D2.”

Fans of a certain movie franchise feared that the virus’s name, a derivative of certain genetic flu factors that bears a coincidental resemblance to a certain movie character, might raise the ire of George Lucas.

“What? You’re kidding me, right?” said Lucas when he learned the name of the virus, “Dude, I made those movies ages ago. Was that the character’s name? I thought it was R2D3P0 or something like that. I don’t really pay any attention to these details.”

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