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Gigantic Rectum Beats Kate Gosselin for Number One Halloween Costume

With Halloween just around the corner, recent sales figures indicate that kids prefer dressing as a giant rectum over other recently popular costumes, including Kate Gosselin, President Obama, The Joker, Oprah Winfrey, and Albus Dumbledore.

“I took my kid to the Halloween store and told him he could have his pick – Ben Affleck, Donald Trump, Hulk Hogan… anything,” said Jean Simmons, a parent from Akron, Ohio, “He thought for a second and told me that given the current choices, he’d just as soon go as a giant rectum. It’s a good thing they had plenty of those in stock!”

In reality, Halloween stores have been struggling to keep up with demand for the Giant Rectum costume.

“Kids are a little sick of celebrities and the usual movie monsters,” said Gary Tennant, owner of an Orange Country Halloween store, “Just yesterday a kid walked up to the counter and said, ‘I’d rather be a walking poop shoot than Frankenstein again.’ I told him to check out isle three.”

In general, kids cited a lack of a ‘cool factor’ in most of today’s costumes.

“I used to think Dracula was cool,” said Billy Stevens, a 9-year-old from Charlotte, North Carolina, “Until my stupid older sister got all excited about True Blood. Now all these annoying people are wearing fangs and ruining it for the rest of us. I told mommy that if she gets to be a vampire, I want to be a giant rectum. When she asked why, I said, ‘My ass!’”

Parents are, for the most part, pleased with the popularity of the rectum costume, which is one of the simplest costumes since white sheets became ghosts. They are proving to be more difficult to put on.

“Getting Billy into his giant rectum costume was quite a chore,” said Wanda Stevens, Billy’s mother, “First I had to spread petroleum jelly all over the opening, then I had to shove him in there like a bullet. Once he was in, he said it was comfortable enough. I just hope he doesn’t feel like an ass.”

Response from homeowners has been a little disappointing as most people don’t want to shove candy into a giant rectum.

“I’m just not looking forward to Halloween,” said Joe Lipscomb, a Tuscon, Arizona resident, “After the fifth or sixth giant rectum on my porch, I think I might start to get a little tired of it. Then again, I supposed I would rather see that than Kate Gosselin. Frankly, in comparison to seeing a hundred Kate Gosselins, showing candy into a rectum doesn’t seem all that bad – even though we are giving out some fairly jagged sticks of rock candy.”

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