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Obama Rushed to Hospital for Bow-Related Head Injury

President Barack Obama was rushed to a Chinese Hospital today after bowing a little too deeply and hitting his head on an end-table.

“We, uh, can report at this, uh, time that the, uh, President is, uh, stable,” said White House Spokesman Robert, uh, Gibbs, “He took a, uh, hard hit to the, uh, head, and may have a, uh, concussion. When we know, uh, more, we will, uh, tell you.”

The President was attempting to impress Chinese President Hu Jintao by bowing, as is traditional in Chinese etiquette. Obama, eager to please Jintao, tried going beyond Chinese bowing standards, which indicate that one should bow slightly out of respect and maintain eye contact.

Instead, Obama jackknifed his entire body at a high rate of speed, fast enough that according to Vice President Biden, “there was no way he could have seen that end-table coming.”

The end-table in question was situated nearby and had a priceless Ming Dynasty vase perched upon it. Obama’s head impacted the table at a speed of roughly 23 miles per hour, according to estimates from Chinese scientists in attendance.

The resulting impact obliterated the end-table and sent the Ming vase flying into the air in “what seemed like slow motion” according to Biden.

Jia Qinglin, the Chinese Chairman of CPPCC, dove across a prone President Obama and bounced off the adjacent wall just in time to catch the vase. While his jump was perfectly timed, it was unfortunate for Chinese Presidential bodyguard Hu Chiao, who was pronounced dead at the scene after Qinglin’s shoe crushed his skull.

“Wrong place, wrong time,” said Qinglin, “I am sorry to the family of Mr. Chiao. His body will make a fine processed rice spread, however. He will bring pride to China.”

The President’s condition was quickly stabilized when he arrived at nearby Beijing General Hospital. The Chinese physicians were almost unable to attend to Obama, having never experienced a patient of his type before.

“We’re just not used to ears that big,” said Dr. Loo Qaipai, “We weren’t sure if it was safe to approach his head. Luckily, one of our nurses took the risk of going in first and gluing them down. Once they were out of the way, we quickly learned that stupid Americans get concussions and bruises just like the Chinese.”

President Jintao took the opportunity to criticize Obama’s economic policies and to try and teach him the secret to China’s economic success.

“Very simple,” said Jintao, “We billed you for the bandages and for the end-table. You are going to pay us. When you get paid for goods and services, your economy works. You will also get billed for using the second bar of soap in your hotel room. Long live China!”

Obama was reluctant to comment after a long flight back home. He just looked at the press and said, “Just f**k off.”

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