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Taliban to Obama: We Will not Tally your Bananas
 President Obama’s first attempts at negotiations with the Taliban were less than successful according to the President, who cited a “general lack of clear communication between both parties.”
In his first press conference since returning from his secret meeting with Taliban leadership, President Obama gave details behind the difficult negotiations.
“It was long, and by long, I mean long and arduous,” said Obama, “I told Mullah Muhammad Omar that I worked all night and I drank some rum. I spent my first day and night there stacking bananas until the morning come. All I wanted was for Mr. Taliban to tally me bananas.”
“Daylight had come and I wanted to go home,” added the President, “I wanted to go home successful.”
When Mullah Omar inquired as to how far the President was willing to go in order to negotiate a cease fire, the President responded that he was looking for a six foot, seven foot or eight foot bunch. After which, he added that daylight had come and he would like to go home.
“Mullah Omar kept going on and on about Jihad and unilateral control over Afghanistan,” said the President, “I showed him a beautiful bunch of ripe bananas. But, I implored him, I pleaded with him, and I urged him, to mind the deadly black tarantula.”
The President then indicated that daylight had come and he wanted to go home, and that Mr. Taliban should come and tally his bananas.
“Talks were just stalled from before day one,” said Obama, “They were stalled from day-0. That’s right, I said day-0. Day-0.”
The President did, in fact, depart at daylight, but his beautiful bunch of ripe bananas remained uncounted.
“We are just starting to reach out to the Taliban,” said Obama, “I have no doubt that the day will come soon when they will count my bananas. And it won’t just be day-0.”
Vice President Biden praised the President’s efforts and expressed willingness to participate in future negotiations.
“I’m bringing bongos next time,” said Biden, “Or congas. And I’m wearing a grass skirt.”
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