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Democrats Don Gumby Suits
 The Senate was a sea of green today as Senate Democrats donned Gumby suits in preparation to make use of a Senate tactic known as “Reconciliation” in order to pass a revised health care bill.
Health care reform was nearly squashed with the surprise election of Scott Brown to fill the Senate seat left vacant by the late Ted Kennedy. The election ended the Democrats’ filibuster-proof majority, leaving reconciliation as the only option to pass President Obama’s revised health care bill.
According to political analysts, reconciliation is a decades-old tactic, brought back to life in the early 1970’s in order to allow a simple majority to pass tax cuts.
The process is not an easy one.
First, all Senators in favor of the bill must dress up like Gumby, the popular claymation character from the kids’ television show of the same name. They must spend 37 straight hours sliding across the senate floor in Gumby suits in order for the bill to be eligible for reconciliation.
Once the Gumby process is completed, the bill moves into the “blue oatmeal phase.” The last time a bill reached the blue oatmeal phase was in 2004, when President George W. Bush wanted to push through some tax cuts.
“It was quite an ordeal,” said Senator Bill Frist, “It’s like making snow angels, but you have to do it in oatmeal that’s got blue food coloring in it. At least you get to take the Gumby suit off first.”
After the oatmeal phase, each senator in favor of the bill must stand in the middle of the senate floor while wearing a tan wetsuit, recite the bill in its entirety, then repeat the phrase “William Whippleman Wipes Winter Wiffles” twenty seven times.
The whole process is expected to take only eight months, a relatively short time period in congressional terms.
“We’re hoping to at least make it to the lubricated cat phase before the Republicans can mount any opposition,” said Senator Majority leader Harry Reid, “Granted, none of us are looking forward to having lubricated cats up our asses, but we’ll do it if it means we can push this thing through. And believe me. We’ll be pushing.”
Republicans are planning on taking a “wait and see” approach.
“We’re going to let them get to that phase where they shove cats up their ass before we tell them that reconciliation doesn’t work on any bill that involves increasing spending,” said Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, “It’s only for tax cuts. That’s why Republicans used it so much. Hopefully the cats will be okay. I’m sure there’s plenty of space for them in there and probably ample food supplies.”
Senators have touted reconciliation as one of the Senate’s most efficient practices.
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