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Airline to Charge Hourly Sitting Fee
 American Airlines announced today that it will begin charging customers a $25 per hour “sitting fee” for time spent using any seats belonging to the airline for any non-flying purposes.
“We know the new fees will be unpopular,” said American Airlines CEO Gerard J. Arpey, “but we’re still hemorrhaging money left and right. We thought we might have to raise our ticket prices until it occurred to us that people keep sitting in our seats for free.”
According to American, the fees will apply to people who elect to sit in airline-owned seats in the terminal, on the tarmac, and in the plane itself.
Customers can save a few pennies by sitting on the floor, but the airline does reserve the option to charge those who lean against airline seats or take up extra floor space due to “excessive reclining.”
The decision comes on the heels of a decision by Spirit Airlines to charge for each carry-on item brought on a plane, and another airline openly considering a charge to use the restrooms while in flight.
“Obviously we’re pretty desperate for money,” said Spirit Airlines CEO Ben Baldanza, “Yesterday I saw one of our mechanics patch a fuel line with duct tape. It didn’t really bother me until I realized it our last roll of duct tape. That sucks. By the way, hearing me talk isn’t free either. $4.50 per minute. We accept credit cards.”
Airline watchdog groups are concerned that the move by American will prompt other airlines to charge “sitting fees,” but also indicated that they are a bit worried about the condition of American’s planes.
“I saw an American Airlines mechanic use a staple gun to prevent a wing from falling off,” said Airline Watchdog activist Ryan White, “I didn’t really get worried until he said something about being all out of staples.”
American Airlines CEO Gerard J. Arpey was not available for further comment today as he didn’t make it to Orlando for his press conference.
“I’m not paying fifty f**king dollars to sit on a plane for two hours,” said Arpey in a statement from a terminal in Dallas.
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