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Sources: Obama may Nominate Pickle Who Got More Fans than Nickleback to Supreme Court
 The announcement that Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring leaves President Obama with an opportunity to influence the very makeup of the Supreme Court. However, the President is already war-weary from the battle over health care reform, economic stimulus, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Sources indicate that the President will choose an easy vote-getter with moderate views in order to avoid a long fight over the nomination. Currently, the best known vote-getter in any venue is the President’s first choice – the pickle who got more fans than Nickleback on Facebook.
“The pickle has moderate views and is quite popular,” said CNN contributor Robert A. Schapiro, “It’s also green and shiny. It should easily pass muster for the nation’s high court. The only opposition we should expect will be from Nickelback.”
Sure enough, Nickelback quickly decried the President’s first choice.
“Dude, that sucks,” said Nickelback lead vocalist Chad Kroeger, “That pickle can kiss my ass. Unless I’m hungry. Then it can just hop on my plate. I could really go for a pickle right about now. Show me the guirkin!”
President Obama was spied showing the Pickle around the White House last Tuesday, and even stopped to introduce it to the press corps.
“What we have here, and by here, I mean, right in front of me,” said Obama, “Is a perfectly patriotic pickle who puts pants on every morning, just like the people of Peoria.”
Added Obama, “Penis.”
The press corps was quick to point out the pickle’s lack of pants. When asked, the President gave a direct answer.
“Shut up,” said Obama, “Next question.”
The press corps followed up with inquiries into the pickle’s voting record.
“He’s a f**king pickle,” said Obama, “He hasn’t voted for diddly-s**t. That’s what makes him a moderate. If he so much as takes a stance, some d**khead will take me to task for it. Screw that. I just want a pickle on the Supreme Court.”
The Supreme Court seemed opened to the idea.
“I can’t wait to serve with the pickle who got more fans than Nickelback,” said Supreme Court Justice Sonja Sotomayor, “The honorable guirkin can sit next to me.”
When asked directly about his voting record, the pickle expressed his moderation.
“,” said the pickle, “.”
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