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Obama’s New Space Program: Mexican Border Patrol
 President Obama announced a radical new agenda for NASA today, cutting all funding for deep space and orbital devices and instead relying on sneaky Mexicans.
“You see, what we’re going to do is like this,” said Obama, “We’re going to put the border patrol by Cape Canaveral and charge them with preventing illegals from sneaking into space. We’ll keep their hands tied like we always have and the illegals will figure out a way to sneak into space on their own.”
The President went on to explain that it was unnecessary to spend significant funds on new space vehicles when sneaky border-crossers could do it much cheaper.
“If they can sneak five guys in between the bed and cab 1970’s-era pickup truck, they should be able to figure out a way to sneak into space,” said the President, “Once they achieve orbit, we have plenty of labor for them to do, and it’ll only cost us fifteen bucks a day.”
The Vice President agreed that it was becoming cost-prohibitive to send astronauts into space to do what amounted to basic labor.
“We’re paying astronauts to do basic repairs like plumbing and pipe-fitting, just in space,” said Vice President Biden, “Illegal immigrants can do all that and mow the lawn.”
“In space, no one can hear you mow the lawn,” said Biden.
The President also indicated that today’s conventional spacecraft only hold up to eight astronauts, but that illegal immigrants would be capable of fitting 33 laborers in the same vehicle.
The President’s plan met with strong opposition from moon landing veteran Neil Armstrong.
“President Obama is making a grave mistake sending illegal immigrants into space,” said Armstrong, “I need my lawn mowed next week and Juanita won’t be able to do it if she’s aligning a freaking satellite.”
The orders also left the members of the border patrol somewhat confused.
“I thought we were supposed to stop them,” said border agent Mike Stevens, “We can’t shoot at them or yell at them or make threatening gestures or anything. If I knew we could shoot them into space, I would have done that before.”
Illegal immigrants were excited about the news.
“Yo soy very excited about the news,” said Juan, an illegal who asked only to be identified by the name Juan, “I can’t wait to go to space and, uh, are those the policia? Why do they have those handcuffs? Help! Cuidado! Help! I no want to go back! Mommy!”
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