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Ahmadinejad: Ready to Serve on the U.N. Bitch's Commission
 Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad indicated that he is ready to do what it takes to "stick up fo' the bitches" following Iran's appointment to the U.N. Women's Commission.
Ahmadinejad indicated that a lot of people don't understand the Iranian approach to femininity and he looks forward to having a voice.
"Basically, our approach is to slap a burqa on that bitch," said Ahmadinejad, "And not just because the bitch be ugly. It also reduces her peripheral vision so the bitch can't see it when the bitch gets slapped."
Ahmadinejad indicated that "bitch-slap advocacy" would be one of his main focal points.
"It's important to know the proper form when slappin' yo' bitch," said Ahmadinejad, "Take two steps, slap the bitch, then (if you're a pimp) request your money. Then, slap the bitch again for good measure."
Ahmadinejad even recommended bitch-slapping for people who felt down or even just bored.
The U.N. was quick to defend appoint Iran to the commission.
"He just kept asking to be on it over and over again," said U.N. Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon, "If you had to listen to it, you'd cave sooner than I did. Besides, ever since we let them in, we've all noticed a marked improvement in our bitch-slapping form."
Ahmadinejad has already rubbed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton the wrong way when she went to congratulate him on the appointment.
“I told the bitch to put on a burqa,” said Ahmadinejad, “Otherwise, I’d have to slap her. She wiped her ass with the burqa and stuck it in my pants. I will nuke her for that.”
Next week according to Ahmadinejad, Iran will be seeking sponsorship for the new world-wide “Burqa for Bitches” program. The program includes providing burqas to all the uncovered bitches in the world, and sending plutonium to Iran in return for the service. Given the current composition of the U.N., it’s expected to pass.
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