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Justin Bieber to Star in Remake of Swamp Thing
With high-profile horror movie remakes in high gear, it should come as no surprise that a reboot of the Swamp Thing franchise is underway. Androgynous teen singing heartthrob Justin Bieber will dawn the suit for what promises to be a blockbuster remake.
“We feel we had a lot to develop from Wes Craven’s original Swamp Thing,” said director Kenny Ortega, “Like more back-story on Dr. Alec Holland, or a more sinister Dr. Arcane, and, of course, more of Swamp Thing singing.”
Indeed, the musical nature of the new Swamp Thing will quickly set it apart from the original. As a director, Ortega is best known for the High School Musical movies and episodes of Gilmore Girls. He hopes to add the flair and choreography that the original lacked.
As for the casting of Bieber in a part that has always been played by bodybuilder Dick Durock (even in the low-budget Swamp Thing TV series), Ortega indicated that Justin was hoping to once-and-for-all prove his masculinity.
According to E! News, Bieber almost turned the part down after a few unexpected complications arose.
“Justin didn’t realize that a bodybuilder had to play the original Swamp Thing because the suit was heavy,” said E! News reporter Natalie Gornstein, “They had to make some modifications to the suit for Justin. Now it’s mostly just Spandex and green twine.”
The other major issue with the suit was in the area of Swamp Thing’s “wee-wee.”
“Justin saw the suit and shouted, ‘Where’s the wee-wee?!’” Said Gornstein, “In Craven’s original, it was conspicuously missing. The viewer was left to assume it had burned off in the beginning of the movie when Dr. Alec Holland gets engulfed in flames while transforming into Swamp Thing. Justin kind of assumed he’d be showing some kind of big Swamp Thing Ding Ding.”
Ortega managed to placate Justin by adding a pair of Fruit-of-the-Loom undies to the costume and stuffing a sock inside it.
Bieber was willing to survive all of the complications with the suit after seeing some of the planned musical numbers in the movie.
“The Swamp Boogie will be just plain dynamite,” said Ortega, “You think you saw plenty of singing frogs in The Muppets Take Manhattan? You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet. And I promise you’ll be moved to tears when Dr. Arcane sings ‘The Swamp Hurt my Feelings.’ This will be epic, I tell you.”
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