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Al & Tipper Battle for Custody of the Internet
 A bitter custody battle erupted today between the recently separated Al & Tipper Gore. The former Vice President was visibly upset when Mrs. Gore announced her plans to seek full custody of the internet.
“I just don’t feel that Al’s new bachelor pad is the best environment for the internet,” said Tipper, “I think it’s best if the internet stays with me, where I can keep a close eye on it and censor its out-of-control content.”
Indeed, the overwhelming amount of offensive content filling the internet had become a bone of contention between the Gores over the years. Tipper strongly advocates censoring offensive language including words such as s**t, f**k, asshat, monkey ****, titular, dipthong, tromboner, weenus, and Bieber.
Al Gore was more content to let his creation roam free and “do whatever the hell it wants, as long as it doesn’t leave a carbon footprint.”
“That was all he cared about,” said Tipper, “As long as the internet didn’t burp and contribute to global warming, it was free to broadcast pictures of people with camel toes, whatever those are. Sounds gross enough to be censored, that’s for sure. Either way, it’s coming with me. We get the house and the private jet.”
In a rare moment of emotion, Al Gore appeared to be visibly upset when, according to eye-witness reports, he turned his head slightly to the left.
“I am having a reaction,” said Al Gore, “that concludes my statement.”
Tipper Gore has yet to confirm any reports of sexual tension between her and her soon-to-be ex-husband, but sources close to the couple indicated that she was frustrated. An unnamed source said Tipper likened Al’s in-bed antics to “sleeping with the animatronic Abe Lincoln from Epcot Center.”
Al Gore did indicate that he looks forward to the extra time he’ll have to focus on global warming.
“Now I can finally spread the word about global warming and perhaps win the Nobel Peace prize,” said Gore, “Although I already did that, didn’t I? I really don’t know what to do now. Does anybody want to hang out?”
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